Twilight Princess Tumbles
by Shiranui117
Summary: Whenever Link falls in one of the dungeons, all we see is the screen fade to black and Link waking up at the spot where he fell from. But what happens in between? Series of one-shots. Rated T just in case for later chapters.
1. Forest Temple

Link stood at the ready, Gale Boomerang in hand. He cocked his left arm back, ready to loose his newly-won magic item at the propeller sitting atop the bridge. Carefully he locked onto his target, and with a calculated throw, he launched the boomerang. The Fairy of Wind took over, creating a localized cyclone around the enchanted object as it whirled in a graceful arc, right at its target. The propeller spun, and the bridge turned towards Link, the path clear. Link caught the boomerang as it circled back around to him. Smiling, he ran forward and prepared to make the jump.

He didn't notice the wind howling through the leaves and branches. His eyes were too focused on his landing point on the bridge to see the propeller start to spin once more. As the Ordonian ranch hand's feet lifted up from solid ground, Link only noticed too late that the wooden planks he was running towards spun away from him, only leaving wicker railing which was much too far away for the jump Link had planned to make.

The swordsman's stomach lurched as he stared down into the yawning black chasm below. He plunged downward, a scream trailing above him as he fell. He fell below the deepest rays of sunlight that sank through the forest canopy high above, and soon the perpetual night of the deepest parts of Faron Woods surrounded him. He was surrounded by that, and very soon after a great many branches and leaves which smacked Link all over his body, stinging his face, raking his arms and legs, and rattling his chainmail shirt. The young man covered his face and pressed shut his lips and mouth, but still bugs and leaves began invading his face. And then his legs gave way under a tree branch that his falling bodyweight snapped in half.

The sudden impact from below sent the young swordsman rolling back, where another branch cracked itself against his shoulder blades. Being knocked forward, another branch whammed into his stomach and stole the breath from his lungs. His body fell through a fork in yet another limb, threatening to rip through even his chainmail. Back and forth he was knocked between the angry arms of trees, punishing him and berating him over and over for his carelessness. But these trees also helped him, slowing down his descent. Eventually he landed with one big "Oof!" on the outstretched limbs of a dead, but still strong, oak.

An irritated voice spoke from the shadows, "Jeeze… Just my luck that I'd get a useless oaf like _you_ to help me find the Fused Shadow. Some hero you are. I'm not helping with this—you got yourself into this mess, so get yourself out!"

Link grumbled, mainly with pain, but also with a slight tinge of embarrassment. He sighed and looked up. It would be a hell of a climb to get back to the top… At least a half-hour, maybe longer. It was so dark here on the forest floor that it was hard to see much of anything. Sighing, he heaved himself to an upright position and looked around. He spotted a series of limbs and branches that he could traverse, taking him closer to the great, big tree that held the platform he had previously fallen from. He opted for that route, and began the meticulous work of picking his way past the brambles and nettles, carefully weaving in between thorns and thistles, leaping from bough to leafy bough.

And then began the grueling, arduous work of climbing upwards. He twisted and stretched for every handhold, making sure his grip was firm before hoisting himself, inching ever closer to the sunlight. He tested every foothold, and scouted out his next steps at least five moves in advance. This was one time where Link was very glad to have grown up in a treehouse; though there was a ladder going from the ground to his front door, Link had very often had to climb to the top of his treetop home to prune back dead branches, fix leaks in the roof or repair his window. As such, he was a fairly accomplished climber; he knew to put his hands and feet as close to the trunks of trees as possible, where the limbs had the strongest connections. Link avoided dead branches, and took advantage of the spry, springy live limbs as he carefully brought them down to him for a more secure grip. He wedged his feet in the forks of trunks and shimmied upwards to the next branches…

After what both seemed like hours and only a few seconds, Link was back in the fresh sunlight and moving air of the Forest Temple. His chest was heaving, and his whole body was aching from both the fall and the painstaking climb back up. He was still about thirty feet down from his previous perch. The trees of the lower forest floor stopped here, their growth halted by the two immense Great Trees that made their long-beaten, would-have-been competitors seem like mere saplings in comparison. Link gave a loud sigh as he searched the bark, seeking desperately for anything, _anything_ that he could use to hoist himself higher. Eventually, he found it, but it was _not_ his first pick: A deep fissure in the bark. Groaning, he decided to give it a shot. He tried slipping his fingers in, praying that there wasn't a baby Skulltula waiting to bite his hand off… And it was clear.

Sighing with relief, he tested the bark, pulling his arm to the side while his hand hooked in. The bark was rock-solid, still alive and not going anywhere. Smiling with grim determination, the Ordonian hooked his other hand in, and planted his feet against the side of the tree. This climb would be utter hell, but darn it, he was going to make Midna eat her words about him. _Useless oaf_ , he spat to himself. _I'll show her useless._ He used the sideways pull of his arms to heave his body higher and prevent another fall. Link was _extremely_ thankful that the Hero's clothes had come with a pair of gloves, and the soles of his boots stuck to the tree remarkably well, almost like magic. _Looks like the light spirits know a thing or two about practical dungeoneering wear_ , he thought.

After around a minute or so, Link's arms were screaming with agony, but he didn't dare relax his pace or his technique. He gritted his teeth and breathed hard, trying his best to keep his body under control. _Come on, don't give out on me now_ , he told his aching body. He glanced upward. So close… Only a few more feet now…

Eventually, the Hylian could take no more. With a mighty yell and a mightier leap, he went for the protrusion that marked the platform where he had fallen from. Though his fingers were crying with pain from the last leg of his ascent, they obeyed his command to find a solid grip on the ledge. His feet dutifully stuck to the bark below, and his arms began bending, pulling Link up top with his final ounces of strength. His abs tucked his legs over the edge, which groggily swung clear of the abyss below. Link lay flat on his face before the door he had walked through a half hour ago, utterly spent. With everything his lungs had left, he gave one defiant laugh. To this blasted temple, to the fickle winds, to the capricious little imp that had been ordering him around, twisting his arm and belittling him for the last week now.

His eyes fell shut as he silently took in the gentle wind rustling through the trees, the propeller spinning once in a while, the rubbing of wood on wood as the bridges spun, the cool feeling of the moss caressing his face, the droplets of sweat trickling down his face, the sweat of his palms percolating through the soft leather of his gloves and mingling with the dew. Link's bones and muscles ached, but gradually softened and relaxed as his mind went still.

He laid there for what was probably a good fifteen minutes, and almost nodded off before Midna's voice once more echoed from below: "Alright, break time's over! We've got a Fused Shadow to go get, and I don't want to keep it waiting. And for gods' sakes, watch your jumps this time!" Begrudging her interruption to his peaceful almost-nap, the young hero groaned, shook the drowsiness from his head, and slowly pushed himself back up to his feet. Paying far more careful attention to his surroundings now, he jumped onward.

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 **A/N: Wow, my first Zelda fic for a while! Getting back into writing with these characters after just beating Twilight Princess HD yesterday. Let me know how I did, and any critiques you have!**


	2. Goron Mines

**A/N: This one was inspired by some science videos I watched about what would happen if one were to actually fall into lava. Needless to say, this gets kinda graphic. You have been warned.**

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Sweat rolled in tickly beads down his forehead. Link reached up with a warm leather glove to wipe the precious liquid away. A shame, he thought to himself with a frown, considering how thirsty he was. As if mocking him, a hot blast of air slammed into his face, radiating from the column of lava that erupted in front of him.

Oh yes, Death Mountain had been an absolute joy so far. Link had leaned up against the door behind him to give his chafed calves and raw ankles a brief respite from the Iron Boots. But only a short while later he felt completely recharged, and even the aches and pains that had constantly accompanied him along his journey were gone.

The young adventurer had been eyeing the eaten-away pillars of rock just barely peeking out from under the lava. Their sides glowed amber, as if threatening to melt at any moment. Those were, unfortunately, his only ticket to the other side. To make matters worse, between each stepping stone was a hotspot spewing up lava on a regular basis. He would have to be quick to make it across; lingering too long on those platforms might leave him with very, very hot feet. Flaming hot, in fact. And if his leather boots burned up, Link was not about to use the Iron Boots as regular footwear. He could swear his thighs had already grown a quarter-inch in circumference after wearing those boots over the last several days. Link didn't want to come out of this with Epona's thighs. There is in fact a limit to how swole one can be and still be considered attractive.

Link chuckled to himself. Reorienting himself, he scanned his route one more time. He was quite sure he knew the exact timing. Once the gusher in front of him subsides, jump straight across the first stone, wait one full second, and hop to the other side. He had watched the columns of erupting lava long enough to know that they were regular in both when they sprang up and for how long. Even though he was dealing with melted rock, Link was sure as shootin' that this pattern would continue to hold. He made ready to lunge, eyes laser-focused on the fountain of hot, skin-melting death a bodylength away.

It gave way. Link got a running start and leapt elegantly. He landed solidly on the rocky outcropping in front of him. And… now he was surrounded by lava. No big deal, he's put up with a lot worse for a lot longer. This would only be just one second. Exactly one second. The next lava fountain in front of him subsided. Link took a step to leap forward to the opposite bank when he felt a very, very unwelcome sound.

The Ordonian forest-dweller hadn't noticed the fault lines in the rock. He hadn't paid attention to the shining orange light illuminating the middle of the crack. But it was far too late for that. His weight was forward on his left leg, which slipped down into the lava with the rock. Unable to stop his forward momentum, he lurched face-first into the liquid rock. Which, he figured out, was just as hard as solid rock.

The magma covered him like a warm blanket for a moment. He couldn't even feel it, but he could hear the sizzling, the hissing, the popping. Flailing about and trying to get his head and his arms up above to tread magma, he found himself rolling. He wasn't sinking into the lava, he was floating. Dear Farore, he was floating on the surface of roiling magma. And not just melting, but skittering around, a little droplet of water dancing across the surface of a hot pan. A giant, volcanic pan hot enough to melt steel and stone, let alone flesh. Link wallowed around like a well-done dumpling in a boiling pot. Link wasn't sure what would have been worse—sinking into the magma and being immediately swallowed up like a fleshy morsel and consumed by the flames in seconds, or floating above and being able to endure a little longer.

He saw flesh melting like butter even as his bloody burn wounds were cauterized shut by the lava, leaving maroon sears all over his body. Meat started falling off his bones like slow-cooked rib meat, pink fleshy little lumps which blushed in the heat like tomatoes, hissing and sputtering angrily in his face. It made Link think of bacon, and suddenly he wanted bacon. He wrinkled his flaking, blood-crusted nose at the thought of trying out a piece of bicep hissing by his left ear, though He looked to the rest of his body to see what was happening to him. The cloth of his tunic turned from a rich forest-green to a wood brown as little orange fringes nibbled up the linen. The white undershirt Little black flakes were all that remained, which immediately stuck to his skin like little tiny mites stuck on tree sap. All the hair on his arms and head was long-gone, but the acrid smell remained in his nostrils. The rings of chainmail glowed like sunset as they branded themselves into his scorching chest. "Link!" he heard, coming from a place that seemed very distant.

"Oh great, typical Midna," thought Link spitefully. "Link! What are you doing?" Even in his current predicament the little imp wasn't even in the least bit concerned. No, her voice was impatient, almost angry. The cursed little creature flew in front of him, her shadowy form starkly contrasted against the orange volcanic glow, even while her visible sunset eye seemed to pair perfectly with it... "Seriously? We don't have time for this!" Ignoring her, Link only turned his face down into the magma. He'd rather die than listen to her. Just wishing for the sweet release of death, he pressed his face into the hard… Wait, grating?

His eyes snapped open, and Link suddenly no longer found himself being seared alive. His eyes snapped open, and all he could see was the grid of metal he had been propped up on a few minutes prior. Absolutely bewildered, he pushed himself into an upright position and stretched out his stiff muscles, which were very much attached to the bone and covered with not-cauterized skin and not-burned cloth and armor. He inspected himself up and down, utterly baffled.

When Link had taken a few seconds to make sense of his current predicament, he looked up to see Midna's shadowy form before him, arms clearly crossed. He was pretty sure he could also see an impatient finger tapping her other elbow. The Twilight denizen's one visible eye was narrowed with irritation. "It's about time you got back from dreamland, lazybones! Now look here, I don't particularly care if you want to take a nap. But do it somewhere cooler where there's water handy. It's been hours since you got water in here, and I am not about to have you go and die of a heat stroke! Don't forget I need you to get me that Fused Shadow, and you need to save that other friend of yours. Nobody's given you permission to off yourself!"

Having finished her rant, Midna's form stretched and pulled itself back into Link's shadow. Almost as an afterthought, Link heard her huff, "Just… Pace yourself, okay? You're no good to anyone if you're dead or crippled."

The Ordonian thought about her words for a moment before a yawn overcame him. He contorted backwards as he stretched his arms, spine and legs. Rubbing the soot-mingled sleep from his eyes, Link felt the charcoal-colored grime caking his face and fingertips. A brief soak in the spirit spring or the bath atop Elde Inn sounded positively heavenly right now. A nice glass of milk at the bar sounded pretty good… And his dream had now left him with a bigger hankering for bacon than he could have thought possible. For now, Link just wanted out of this miserable heat.

Without hesitation, Link opened up his pouch to find the strange bird-like creature he had previously found in the Forest Temple. "Ooh! Did you want to leave? I can warp you right out! You can return right here, so there are no worries!" The exhausted dungeoneer nodded excitedly. "Yes, yes! Now... Leave it to me!"

Ooccoo flitted out of Link's pouch and, with alarming speed, flew in a craze around him. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt a strange sensation. When he opened them up again, he was standing outside the Goron assembly room. He shuddered with pleasure as a cool wind from the north blew through his drenched, steaming clothes and armor, gently wicking away the dampness from his brow and teasing a few beads of sweat off and away from his chin.

His momentary ecstasy was soon interrupted by the refined, almost aristocratic-sounding avian creature. Link found himself looking down at not only Ooccoo, but what appeared to be a floating head with wings sprouting from where the ears should be, hovering like a hummingbird. Sitting in its disturbingly baby-like skull, right in the middle of its uncannily emotionless face, were two purely crimson, seemingly soulless orbs staring into his eyes. The sight appalled him, and he struggled to keep a straight face to avoid being disrespectful. "Let me introduce you! This is Ooccoo Jr.! Anytime you want to warp back to this spot from outside, ask him. If you want to meet me at the entrance rather than warping here, just go there and I'll meet you! Now, bon voyage, you two!"

Ooccoo vanished in a flash of magic, and "Ooccoo Jr." flew into Link's pouch with a happy squawking. Breathing heavily, the human just decided to accept the fact that he had just seen all of that. It would not rob him of his chance to relax. He began the process of hopping and dropping and jogging back down to Kakariko Village, stripping off layers of clothing as he went, enjoying the feeling of bare skin being free to radiate away heat into the cool, crisp, outdoor afternoon air.

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 **Why was this scenario just Link dozing off, you ask? Well, unlike the Wind Waker or Skyward Sword games, there's no smoke coming off of Link's butt when he falls into the lava in Twilight Princess. Therefore, he never actually fell in the lava in the first place. That, and uhh, you know, kinda hard to come out of lava while still being not-dead.**


End file.
